i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
