Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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