i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Alive.
So much puke
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
