i just had sex bonerless
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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