And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
