I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
3 2 1 whiskey
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
