So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You were trust falling into bushes
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
