Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
