hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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