he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
