White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
