Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize