I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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