I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
