How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
