Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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