so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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