Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
