my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
