mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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