We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
