I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
