Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
