yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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