i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
