I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
