You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
