The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
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