This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
