Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I am one with the molecules
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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