they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
