I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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