break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Swine flu is the new snow day.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
