If i could tip my vagina, i would.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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