i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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