How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
