Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
