can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
