so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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