Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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