shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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