So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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