He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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