the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I want you more than these girls want KFC
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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