My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
