there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
