If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I pour the whiskey from now on
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
