I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
