someone threw a dead crab at me
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
