Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
