Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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