Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
