this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
