So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You have to summon your inner elephant
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
