using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize