I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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