if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
