I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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