He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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