I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
