Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
