We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
