i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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