I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
