So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
