With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
